RIP Nana

My sweet sweet nana passed away last Thursday the 12th at the age of 68. She was the very best nana ever and I about can't stand that she is gone.

She got put in ICU Christmas Eve night and the girls and I drove down on the 30th (Adilynn's 2nd birthday) to be with her. Her whole left lung was covered in pneumonia.

I was able to be with her everyday for a week and a half. By the time I got there she was a lot better then she had been (her breathing was better along with she was more alert) but she did have a couple not so good days. By the time I was getting ready to go back home that night she was going home on hospice but seemed so good, I thought so anyways and they even said they thought she had at least 2 weeks to a month. She has been through so much and is such a fighter so I thought she could pull through or at least give it a run and fight for a while. So I thought I will come home for a week or two then come back. I got home on Wednesday and she passed on Thursday. I was able to be on the phone as she went to be with Jesus. I keep beating myself up that I wasn't there, why didn't I just stay a few more days? Then I try and think obviously God wanted me home with my husband who could help me through this. I don't think I could have been able to handle seeing her suffer like she did.

My nana was one of the best people I have ever met. If I could say one thing about her it would be that she loved her family. She would do anything in this world for us and only wanted to see us happy and if we were happy she was happy. I just hope I can be half the woman she was, and raise my family just like she did. Everyone at her funeral said to us she def did something right as close of a family as we are. My heart just breaks that she is no longer here and my girls won't get to have her here growing up and A is so young she prob will not even remember her. Right now I am just trying to get through the days without crying all day. It's like I am fine and then I remember she is gone and it just goes all over me and I can't stand it. I know it will get easier I'm just ready for it to be that time. The very last thing my nana said to me was "You be good to Adilynn and Katlynn (shaking her head)... I mean Lynnlee" lol Nana I promise you I will be as good to my girls as I can, hopefully as good to them as you were to us! I will take everything you told me and use it to raise my girls! Oh I'm going to miss my nana more then anything but it is comforting knowing she is in heaven watching over me and my girls and the rest of my family. and I will see her again as LL told me "Mommy when you get old and get sick and God wants you to come to heaven you will get to see nana again!" Crazy how things are so simple to kids.